Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
