getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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