I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
