and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
