What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
