My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
