Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
