The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
