I'm really into asian looking animals
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
