He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
