Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
