HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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