Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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