I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
