I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
