he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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