Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
