it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
