I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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