Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
