Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD