It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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