Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad

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  (201): he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad http://tfl.nu/jzas
  Replies (40) Good night (806) Bad night (4344)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.

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  (617): I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not. http://tfl.nu/e6fg
  Replies (91) Good night (1145) Bad night (7912)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?

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  (732): dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund? http://tfl.nu/31zq
  Replies (15) Good night (6274) Bad night (986)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.

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  (803): so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer. http://tfl.nu/xrhj
  Replies (6) Good night (4090) Bad night (932)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.

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  (405): Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon. http://tfl.nu/zm69
  Replies (34) Good night (8367) Bad night (1086)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"

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  (262): How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?" http://tfl.nu/pevk
  Replies (33) Good night (3363) Bad night (1336)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own

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  (519): his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own http://tfl.nu/8vl5
  Replies (11) Good night (1818) Bad night (3739)
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  (347): View more from New York

  He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?

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  (347): He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family? http://tfl.nu/6x1g
  Replies (10) Good night (714) Bad night (2372)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.

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  (740): Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow. http://tfl.nu/oilf
  Replies (11) Good night (1514) Bad night (1196)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.

  (858): View more from California

  That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.

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  (317): They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof. (858): That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car. http://tfl.nu/twx7
  Replies (6) Good night (808) Bad night (827)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?

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  (516): I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight? http://tfl.nu/oach
  Replies (3) Good night (827) Bad night (542)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.

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  (507): I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom. http://tfl.nu/89m8
  Replies (2) Good night (1026) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude

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  (302): Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude http://tfl.nu/fr3g
  Replies (12) Good night (900) Bad night (1531)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?

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  (519): Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is? http://tfl.nu/qsbg
  Replies (1) Good night (470) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.

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  (479): Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast. http://tfl.nu/ay73
  Replies (1) Good night (948) Bad night (370)

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