Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.

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  (630): That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it. http://tfl.nu/khhu
  Replies (12) Good night (725) Bad night (3234)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift

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  (917): under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift http://tfl.nu/rkcx
  Replies (52) Good night (5894) Bad night (1985)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf

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  (978): i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf http://tfl.nu/hwzk
  Replies (44) Good night (15134) Bad night (1577)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat

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  (847): just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat http://tfl.nu/d5wq
  Replies (11) Good night (3004) Bad night (1198)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?

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  (613): Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious? http://tfl.nu/m4yc
  Replies (11) Good night (3509) Bad night (950)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours

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  (610): You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours http://tfl.nu/b1w1
  Replies (5) Good night (2809) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete

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  (414): Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete http://tfl.nu/c68q
  Replies (2) Good night (481) Bad night (834)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took

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  (503): I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took http://tfl.nu/phka
  Replies (6) Good night (1505) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".

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  (803): No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional". http://tfl.nu/sdb0
  Replies (3) Good night (1160) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.

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  (516): The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety. http://tfl.nu/31qs
  Replies (3) Good night (1767) Bad night (995)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.

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  (518): He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard. http://tfl.nu/suwu
  Replies (6) Good night (398) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!

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  (306): the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful! http://tfl.nu/h1ft
  Replies (0) Good night (528) Bad night (239)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.

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  (508): You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment. http://tfl.nu/adm1
  Replies (0) Good night (304) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.

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  (248): I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks. http://tfl.nu/be9w
  Replies (3) Good night (289) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"

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  (412): So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through" http://tfl.nu/qtp1
  Replies (3) Good night (462) Bad night (109)

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