Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
