I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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