Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
