fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you made out with another girl for some wings
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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