I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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