I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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