dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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