Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?

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(909): View more from California

Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass

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(607): View more from New York

I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name

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(410): View more from Maryland

operation have a gay friend backfired

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(630): View more from Illinois

Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.

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(905): View more from Ontario

Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck

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(616): View more from Michigan

Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!

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