Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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