Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
