If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
