Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When are your genitals available?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
