I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
