Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
