ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
