peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
