It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
