I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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