He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
