Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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