dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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