Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
