the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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