Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
