toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
