You smell like stripper and shame
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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