If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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