Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
