4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
