I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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