so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
