Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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