It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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