guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
