Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
