I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
