you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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