Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
