I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
