I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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