I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
