True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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