I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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