JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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