Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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