Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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