so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
