You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
